SF: The Fall of Dolls

YungQ94

Active member
Ok you're doing a good job but this fic is missing something. Emotion, maybe it takes awhile to establish it but so far there's none of that in here.

I mean she just wakes up a returns to her daily routines without a hint of struggle. I'm hoping in the future that she gets a little suspicious of shadoloo at some point
 

iViTal

Active member
This is why I wanted Sagat to stay with Shadaloo for just a little longer, just wait until the next update :proud:
 

JSteele

New member
Read the first chapter so far! Nice! I was always interested in further exploring the whole thing with the 'dolls'. Capcom didn't do much of a good job really explaining that there were more than a few of them in the games, with the exception of Juni and Juli, really. I'm interested to see where this goes!

My one token of advice would be to try and keep a character who's speaking contained to a paragraph where possible. Like, for example:

'"What could that mean? What the hell is going on.." Satsuki questioned herself, she got out of the bed and walked into her presonal bathroom and stared at herself in the mirror.

"Who am I?" She questioned..

"Rest, You have a long day ahead of you tomorrow...." These words Echoed through her mind.

"Maybe he was right, Resting would be the best thing to do right now"'

could be done like:

"What could that mean? What the hell is going on.." Satsuki questioned herself, she got out of the bed and walked into her presonal bathroom and stared at herself in the mirror. "Who am I?" She questioned, "Rest, You have a long day ahead of you tomorrow...." These words Echoed through her mind. "Maybe he was right, Resting would be the best thing to do right now"'

That's just how I write, but it's really good for a start none the less!
 

iViTal

Active member
Thanks Mr(or Ms o-o) Steele :p

I'm glad you like it, but there's going to a while before I update this Fic.. I gotta write MK:HS, Then the Jill fan fic :|

It's my fault for starting this knowing I have a lot to do though :C
 

iViTal

Active member
Lol.

My main two as of now are "The Last Sample" It's a Resident Evil Fan fic staring Jill Valentine :love:

Then MK Highschool, It's my turn to write an update for the fic, and I really love the MK:Redemption story.. The updates are SUPER long and I enjoy that :laugh:
 

JSteele

New member
Yeah they are SUPER long! I'll have to check out the MK High School. Lmao.

I may check out the RE one too, but I never followed the RE timeline much.
 

Kzaoo

Active member
lololol u ppl r writan fanfucshun lolololol hu wrote fanfucshun? i cun evun reed lolololol
 

iViTal

Active member
Yeah they are SUPER long! I'll have to check out the MK High School. Lmao.

I may check out the RE one too, but I never followed the RE timeline much.

Do that sometime, and YungQ94 is the head author.. I'm just a Co-Writer and the RE Fic is a Spin off (Kinda) You don't need to be knowledgeable of the timeline.
 

JSteele

New member
103838.jpg
 

YungQ94

Active member
Good lord that hole in the ceiling.
It's because he is writing MKHS at the moment.

While we at it, Y U NO UPDATE PRIBCESS STRUGGLE!!!!!!
 
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