Thunder and Blood (Mortal Kombat story)

Armageddon

Armageddon

Active member
Hey guys!
I usually write stories, and never finish them, but I have the urge to write, if any of you would like to finish any of my previous stories, go right ahead.


~~CHAPTER 1~~

With Shao Khan dead, and Quan chi banished from the realms, only to suffer in the Nexus, Who was there to run the once lush realm of Outworld? Most of Shao Khans loyal allies have fled Outworld, leaving it a horrid waste land, only savaged Tarkatans and wild Onis covered the once lust land. Outworld was out for anyone to take for themselves, yet, there was a rightful ruler of the realm, the heir to throne, Mileena. Like the rest of Shao Khans assistance, she fled Outworld, in hope of survival. Where in the 8 realms could she be? She could be hiding in Earthrealms fast forests, or in Edenias beautiful plains, she could even be hiding in the bare waste lands of Zattera.
Near Shao Khans throne room, a large lightning bolt crashed to the ground, from the clear red sky. Raiden appered from this bolt of light, " Where is the one they call Mileena?" he asked in a brave voice, no one answered. Raiden was furious, who had the guts not to answer the Thunder God? He sent a thunder bolt to the sky, which then circled the realm, clearing the red sky, into a fast blue sky, with large fluffy clouds. The red sky was hiding nothing, at least nothing Raiden was interested in.....

TO BE CONTINUED.

What did you think?
 
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~~CHAPTER 1 CONTINUED~~

"Where is the one called Mileena?" Raiden shouted in a demanding voice, still no answer, Raiden was very angry, then, a rustle in the leaves caught Raidens attention, he looked this way and that way, but he couldn't see what made that sound. Raiden was scared, but he couldn't let what ever was out there know that, so he yelled "SHOW YOUR SELF!". Still no answer. Raiden was loseing his patience. There was another rustle in the leaves, Raiden was scared, but again he yelled out "SHOW YOUR SELF!". A shadow moved across the purple rocky ground, Raiden was startled. A black figure charged at Raiden. Raiden then shot out a lightning bolt, the figure fell t the ground, Raiden walked towards it. He grabbed the figure arm and demanded his name, the black figure replied "Noob Saibot"......
 
Pretty cool story but just a couple of grammar/spelling errors I noticed, Nexus is spelled wrong and also it is heir to the throne not air. Other than that and the title being ripped off It seems like it will be pretty cool

255499-20108-119993-1-mortal-kombat-blood_super.jpg
 
Wraith, I haven't heard of that, so I didnt try to copy it.


~~CHAPTER 2~~

"Noob? Noob Saibot?" Raiden asked in a curious, but angry tone. "Yes!" Noob answered in a tired tone, "Im the original Sub-Zero.". Raiden was shocked, and confused. "I thought Scorpion killed you?!" Raiden asked, "Yes, he did, but I'm back. I seek revenge!" He yelled, then he unleashed a inhuman scream, that through Raiden across the field. "I will kill SCORPION!" he yelled, then ran swiftly through the forest. "WAIT!" Raiden yelled, but yet again there was no answer.
He wonder hope-less through the abandoned waste land, "What's going on?!" Raiden asked him self, "Well, I believe Shao Khan is dead, and you just meet Noob" a sweet voice said, "Who's there?" Raiden asked......
 
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Armageddon some friendly advice,


every 3-5 lines or so you should break up with a couple of enters. It makes it more visually appealing to read. Atleast you didn't have a Giant block of text so +1 for that.

You shouldn't post a portion of a chapter.. then add the rest of the same chapter later lol. just post the chapter when it's done. And from my experience I get lazier and lazier as time progresses and my chapters seem to get a little shorter and shorter. It's a good rule of thumb to try and keep the number of words somewhat equal to last chapter or higher if possible.

Think about detail. you could write through your whole chapter go back through it again and go sentence by sentence and think "How can I make this more detailed"

These are things that helped me when I was writing fiction. We all got stuff to learn.... obviously lol. Otherwise we'd be making bank like the lady who did Harry Potter.
 
Thanks Critical, i'll try to do that.

As for now:

~~CHAPTER TWO CONTINUED~~

"You mean, you don't reconize me, by my voice?" It said, "No, why would I?" Raiden replied angrly, "Then i'll show you" The voice replied. A tall pale skinned woman exited the forest, she was wearing a cerulean colored bustier which had silver trimmings and a tear-shaped bust. She also had a long, flowing loincloth at the front with embraided designs in the center panel that are similar to the subtle designs on her mask and bustiere, and to top of her apperence she was wearing a tiara, silver earrings, thigh high cerulean boots and matching arm gauntlets.
"KITANA?" Raiden asked, "Yes" Kitana replied in a soft, kind voice. "You don't look a day over 10,000!" Said Raiden. "Why, thank you, I try to look my best" She replied in a tone a princess should always speak in.
"Why are you here?" Raiden asked. "I assume, for the same reason your here" Princess Kitana Replied.
"Your looking for Mileena, as well?" Raiden asked in a suprised tone. "Everyone is!" Princess Kitana replied.

(THANKS: Critical, MK Wiki)
 
~~CHAPTER 3~~

"And who is everyone?" Raiden asked in a demanding, yet emotion-less tone.
"Everyone who would gain from her rule" Kitana replied.
They started walking in the baren waste land. Raiden had to keep an eye on his whole surroundings, because they could be ambushed at any moment. A sudden change in the wind pattern caught Raidens attention. He suddenly stopped, Kitana was confused, but she stopped as well.
Raiden looked up to see thousands of dead leaves blow towards him, they landed right before him, they started to make a human-like figure.
When the figure was complete a tanned skinned man appered, he had white slicked back hair tied into a ponytail and eyes that looked like Raidens. He was dressed in black vest and green pants with boots. He wore a blood-red cape, covered in claw marks. "Raiden, long time, no see." The man said. "Fujin?!"Raiden asked. "Yes, Raiden, it is I" Fujin answered.
"If I may ask, who is this Fujin?" Kitana asked. "Fujin is the god of wind" Raiden answered.
Fujin used his wind powers to clean the trees of there dead leaves.
 
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