Tyler Welby
New member
That's the spirit! Just make sure it's longer, and just not two sentences.
The Story of Daegon
- Thread starter bad10
- Start date
That's the spirit! Just make sure it's longer, and just not two sentences.
okay.finally your supporting me for once!
Tyler Welby
New member
You could've just said "Thanks,".
Don't have an attidude
Aldo Moreno
New member
I recomend take Toxic's advice. That's what I did with my poetry.
.
Armageddon
Active member
Just asking not to be rude at all, but what grade are u in?
YungQ94
Active member
I think he's impling that you shouldn't be make such grammatical errors. But then I realized that the "!!!!!" is part of your style somehow. When the characters say something and have "!!!" that kinda sounds like they're yelling. Just include normal periods when they're not yelling, ok?
Last edited:
Jade
Well-known member
You need to work on your story structure.
Your story has too much of 'he said' included in it. Every other sentence is 'he said'.....You need to include more descriptions, like 'He then looked up at the sky, took a deep breath, and enjoyed the fresh, clean air he was inhaling, as the wind blew a warm breeze across his face'. Describe what they are doing, the surroundings, stuff like that. You make it too much like a script-type, where it is mostly just lines the characters are saying. You have to get the readers to picture what is happening in the story, not just have talking. When people read the description I gave above, they can picture the person doing that, or even feel like they are the main character doing that. When you just have 'he said', you can't picture much except the characters just standing there, doing nothing but talking.
Also, reading a bunch of words together is harder to read. You need to break it up into paragraphs and include proper spacing.
Your story has too much of 'he said' included in it. Every other sentence is 'he said'.....You need to include more descriptions, like 'He then looked up at the sky, took a deep breath, and enjoyed the fresh, clean air he was inhaling, as the wind blew a warm breeze across his face'. Describe what they are doing, the surroundings, stuff like that. You make it too much like a script-type, where it is mostly just lines the characters are saying. You have to get the readers to picture what is happening in the story, not just have talking. When people read the description I gave above, they can picture the person doing that, or even feel like they are the main character doing that. When you just have 'he said', you can't picture much except the characters just standing there, doing nothing but talking.
Also, reading a bunch of words together is harder to read. You need to break it up into paragraphs and include proper spacing.
Armageddon
Active member
If u are talking about my last post, I'm a boy not a she
Armageddon
Active member
^^^
it's okay!!!!
it's okay!!!!