Unanswerable Questions

[lost_victory]

See if you can answer any of these. And please no stupid answers. Ones that you think could be right

• Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
• Why do irons have a setting for permanent press?
• How can you tell when sour cream goes bad?
• How much sin can I get away with and still go to heaven?
• How young can you die of old age?
• If God dropped acid, would he see people?
• If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?
• If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
• If the number 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still number 2?
• If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?
• If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
• If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?
• Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
• Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
• Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
• Why is a boxing ring square?
• Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
• Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
• Why is the third hand on the watch called second hand?
• Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
• Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?
• Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
• Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
• Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
• What if there were no hypothetical situations?
• Where would we be without rhetorical questions?
• If swimming's such good exercise, how come whales are so fat?
• If you throw a kitten out of a moving car, would it be considered kitty litter?
• How do Keep Off The Grass signs get there?
• Could God make a burrito so hot he couldn't eat it?
• Do we make bombs better or worse?
• Why don't sheep shrink in the rain?
• If a person told you they were a pathological liar, would you believe them?
• Can you learn to read from a "Reading for Dummies" book?
• If someone gives you a penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, where does the other penny go? Do you get change?
• If pro is the opposite of con, and progress is moving forward, what is congress?
• Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
• Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
• Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
• Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
• Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
• Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
• Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
• When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
• Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
• Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
• Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
• Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
• Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?
• If Jimmy cracks corn, and no one cares, why is there a song about it?
• Why is an alarm clock going "off" when it actually turns on?
• If love is blind, how can we believe in love at first sight?
• Why is it that raindrops, but snowfalls?
• If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconuts, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
• What was the best thing before sliced bread?
• Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed," when afterward, it doesn't work anymore?
• If a drug store is open 24 hours, why are there locks on the doors?
• If you make a cow laugh, will milk come out its nose?
• Why can't Mr. Fork and Mr. Electrical Socket be friends?
• Who was the first to see a cow and think "I wonder what will happen if i squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?"
• If a schizophrenic threatens suicide, is it declared a hostage situation?
• Why was the Holy Roman Empire neither holy nor Roman?
• If a tree falls on a mime in the woods, and there's no one there to hear it, does the mime make a sound?
• What is the speed of darkness?
• If a man washes a dish, and no woman is around to see it, did it happen?
• Why doesn't onomatopoeia sound like what it is?
• How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
• Do three headed fire dragons have heated arguments with themselves?
• Why exactly is there a snow-globe with summer scenes?
• What do picket sign writers put on their signs when they go on strike?
• If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do they all have to drown?
• Why is minimalism such a big word?
• If buttered bread always lands on the butter-side down and a cat always lands on its feet, what happens if you strap buttered bread to a cat's back?
• Why do ballerinas stand on their toes? Can't they just get taller women?
• Do fish get thirsty?
• If you learn from mistakes, why aren't I a genius?
• Why don't people on TV ever go to the bathroom?
• How do blind people know when they are done wiping?
• If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
• Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?
• If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?
• If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
• Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
• Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
• If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
• Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
• How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
• Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
• Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
• Why do banks leave both doors open, yet they chain pens to the countertops?
• Why do people order a double cheeseburger, large fries, and a diet soda?
• Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected the expected?
• If a building is on fire, and you make more fire, would it be considered making the fire worse or better?
• Why are there five syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
• How is it that "Fat Chance" and "Slim Chance" mean the same thing?
• Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
• If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
• Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
• Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
• If you work in a hospital, can you call in sick?
• Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
• Why do they call it a "TV set" when you only get one?
• Why do they call them "buildings" when they're already done building them?
• If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?
• What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?
• Why do they sell cigarettes at the gas station if you can't smoke there?
• What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
• Why does a cowboy wear two spurs? If one side of the horse goes, so does the other.
• After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
• In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
• Did Washington flash a quarter when asked for ID?
• How come there aren’t B batteries?
• If the post office has machines that can sort snail mail by the thousands per minute, then why do they give it to a little old man on a bike to deliver?
• If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
• Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
• How can there be self-help “groups?”
• Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
• If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
• If Superman is so smart, then why does he wear his underpants on the outside of his trousers?
• If you’re in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
• What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?
• Why do we kill people for killing people to show that killing people is wrong?
• Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman’s chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him?
• What if the Hokey Pokey IS what its all about?
• If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?
• If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?
• If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
• If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead?"
• Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they are out walking around delivering the mail?

 

[Kona]

Soo many, I will do this in the morning.

 

[Glamador]

If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?
To the people that occupy the country. When a "Nation" is in debt it simply means the government has unpaid loans.

If the number 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still number 2?
It refers to the type of lead.

If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?
That's not how you spell "anti-pasto."

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
Because it sticks to lips.

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
You put this one twice...

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Dogs.

If a drug store is open 24 hours, why are there locks on the doors?
In case of a zombie panic situation. Don't you watch movies?

What is the speed of darkness?
The speed of light. Aproximately 300,000 meters per second I believe.

If you learn from mistakes, why aren't I a genius?
Think about the wording of that question carefully and you'll have your answer.

Why don't people on TV ever go to the bathroom?
They do. You must be in the bathroom when it happens.

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
Because the manufacturers are too lazy to change the production cycle for varying locations of use for their product.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
You die.

Did Washington flash a quarter when asked for ID?
Quarters didn't have Washington's face on them until after he died.

Why do we kill people for killing people to show that killing people is wrong?
That's not why we kill people.

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they are out walking around delivering the mail?
It's a high traffic area. Duh.

 

[pheonix]

[Why do they call it a "TV set" when you only get one?]-Quote
(sorry the school computer don't work on quotes for some dumb reason XP.)


But the answer is because it is made of many machines built into one. -or compound machine. * This was taught in my physical science class for sourcing*

[How much sin can I get away with and still go to heaven?]



Since there is no set limit... You can sin as much as you like and go to heaven, as long as you believe in God... -This is where I'm going to stop, just in case it starts the whole "My God, doesn't work that way" convo.



[Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?]

Most people believe it helps you focus easier. (music tends to cause loss of focus)


[Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?]

Because the government is corrupt.

I have to end now before computer lab class is over DX.

 

[satinsoven]

[*]How much sin can I get away with and still go to heaven?
As much as you want, if you just apologize to god and ask for forgivness and mean it.

[*]If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
It's only terrific if you try and enjoy the bright sides of it.

[*]If the number 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still number 2?
Because numver 2 is the kind of lead.

[*]If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Accidently succeeded.

[*]Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Because the insides are glue proof, probably some sort of material that is non stick.

[*]Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Because the music distracts you, and you need to concentrate on map skills in the new area.

[*]Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
Because you need to be an adult to buy beer, and only adults can have licenses. It is a way to identify who you are.

[*]If swimming's such good exercise, how come whales are so fat?
Because they need the extra blubber. Plus, they don't need to pump so hard like we do. It's good excercise for us because we need to work so hard to move forward, but whales don't need to work hard to swim.

[*]If you throw a kitten out of a moving car, would it be considered kitty litter?
NO, it would be animal abuse.

[*]Why don't sheep shrink in the rain?
Because clothes shrink for a reason. When you dry them, all the lint comes off, and in time it gets smaller. Sheep don't go in the dryer, and they have skin and bones.

[*]If a person told you they were a pathological liar, would you believe them?
No.

[*]Can you learn to read from a "Reading for Dummies" book?
There is no book like that.

[*]Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Because the juice needs a lot of honey.

[*]Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Becuase everyone is rushing to make it to work, so naturally they clog up traffic.

[*]Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Cause it would be too hard to make artificial mouse flavors.

[*]When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
The dogs.

[*]Why is it that raindrops, but snowfalls?
Because snow falls slowly, not drops quickly. Rain is a liquid, so therefore it drops down through the air very fast.

[*]If you make a cow laugh, will milk come out its nose?
Not unless the milk is in his mouth.

[*]Who was the first to see a cow and think "I wonder what will happen if i squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?"
They didn't do it with cows, it started with nursing babies, so they recognized the nipples and guessed there was milk inside.

[*]Why exactly is there a snow-globe with summer scenes?
Because it could snow in April and May. It happened in my town.

[*]Why do ballerinas stand on their toes? Can't they just get taller women?
Because it helps them balance on narrow objects.

[*]Do fish get thirsty?
Not unless they shut their mouths.

[*]Why don't people on TV ever go to the bathroom?
Because you see the characters for only seven minutes before the commercial break. Who pees every six minutes?

[*]How do blind people know when they are done wiping?
When I wipe, I could feel it, I don't stare up my asshole. I expect blinds could feel if it's dry or not.

[*]If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?
Because it would cost too much and take up too much supply.

[*]Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
Because blind people know they have to use a machine, so they find the machine and braille is there for the buttons.

[*]How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
They survery areas, and the ones with lots of passing deer is where they put the sign. My social studies teacher told me that.

[*]Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected the expected?
It just means to expect something you can't put your finger on. It allows you to let your mind dream up crazy things.

[*]If a building is on fire, and you make more fire, would it be considered making the fire worse or better?
Well, making more fire isn't particularly good. It doesn't help, so it would be worse.

[*]Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
You don't read the soup, you eat it.

[*]Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
No, they drink whenever they want.

[*]If you work in a hospital, can you call in sick?
Yes, they don't want your germs to spread to others and infect them worse, or for them to spread you the germs and you to get even worse.

[*]Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
Yes, closets are enclosed. I fear them.

[*]Why do they call it a "TV set" when you only get one?
It is a set of different technologies, i.e. glass, fibers, all that bull, united into one box.

[*]What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?
They put "none"
[*]Why do they sell cigarettes at the gas station if you can't smoke there?
Because you leave a gas station after getting filled up, you don't hang around.

[*]What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Unless it happens in the same hour, your heart will just beat fast.

[*]After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
No, humans wait because swimming requires balance, awareness and all that. You don't need that for walking on land. And amphibians don't even live IN water.

[*]In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
With great power comes great responsibility.

[*]Did Washington flash a quarter when asked for ID?
His face was not on quarters in his time.

[*]If the post office has machines that can sort snail mail by the thousands per minute, then why do they give it to a little old man on a bike to deliver?
Because seniors want a sense of purpose. And they can't just shoot our mail to us in a cannon.

[*]Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
He kept them in portable hives.

[*]If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

[*]Why do we kill people for killing people to show that killing people is wrong?
To show the consequences. And consequences come from doing wrong things. So killing people is just saying"He faces the consequences cuz he did something wrong."
[*]Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman’s chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him?
Because it's aiming for his head, not his chest.

[*]If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead?"
I think they mean that you should get out of your situation before it escalates.
[*]Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they are out walking around delivering the mail?
because more people see it passing by then one mailmen does. It raises more awareness.

 

[Ghost]

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
A: No, because infants probably dont remember.

How can you tell when sour cream goes bad?
A: Smell some and eat some.

If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
A:For some people, they hate work. And they pay you so you can feed your family.

If the number 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still number 2?
A: There is 3 types of pencils: 1, 2, and 3. 1 is the thickest, 3 is the lightest, and 2 is in the middle.

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
A: Both. You failed to fail but you failed so you succeeded

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
A: Lightens our hair because of reflection and darkens our skin because of UV Rays.

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
A: Because inside the bottle the sides and bottom have a special non-stick substance on it.

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
A: Maybe this is just you.

Why is the third hand on the watch called second hand?
A: Because it counts seconds.

Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?
A: Because dictionaries hold definitions of words.

Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
A: Yes. Very disturbing but yes.

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
A: The driver's license shows your birth date and name.

What if there were no hypothetical situations?
A: Then there is no hypothetical situations.

If swimming's such good exercise, how come whales are so fat?
A: God made them that way.

If you throw a kitten out of a moving car, would it be considered kitty litter?
A: No.

How do Keep Off The Grass signs get there?
A: They put it there.

Could God make a burrito so hot he couldn't eat it?
A: no and yes.

Why don't sheep shrink in the rain?
A: God made them that way.

If a person told you they were a pathological liar, would you believe them?
A: Depends who you're asking. I would.

Can you learn to read from a "Reading for Dummies" book?
A: Yes.

If pro is the opposite of con, and progress is moving forward, what is congress?
A: The national legislative body of the U.S.

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
A: Because they dont tell the people they are psychics

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
A: God made it that way.

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
A: Lemon jiuce uses those flavors so it'll be easier on your tongue.

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
A: Realistically, cats dont eat mice, they chase them.

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
A: They have a dog food tester in London or France(It was one of those two). Or dogs.

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
A: He doesn't hate animals.

If Jimmy cracks corn, and no one cares, why is there a song about it?
A: It's fiction. And it's not no one cares it's "I don't care."

Why is an alarm clock going "off" when it actually turns on?
A: There are many different definitions for"off" go look it up.

If love is blind, how can we believe in love at first sight?
A: It's just an expression.

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconuts, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
A: Because if he did, they would get off the island and the show would get cancelled

What was the best thing before sliced bread?
A: It's opinion.

If a drug store is open 24 hours, why are there locks on the doors?
A: Most doors come with locks.

If you make a cow laugh, will milk come out its nose?
A: No.

Why can't Mr. Fork and Mr. Electrical Socket be friends?'
A: They can, it's just bad for humans.

Who was the first to see a cow and think "I wonder what will happen if i squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?"
A: God made someone know that.

If a tree falls on a mime in the woods, and there's no one there to hear it, does the mime make a sound?
A: Yes the mime does. His bones cracking.

If a man washes a dish, and no woman is around to see it, did it happen?
A: OMG! NO DUH IT HAPPENS!

Why doesn't onomatopoeia sound like what it is?
A: Most words are like that and onomatopoeia is sounds like "buzz"

Do three headed fire dragons have heated arguments with themselves?
A: No. They Cooperate

Why exactly is there a snow-globe with summer scenes?
A: Snowglobes are a tradition to have snow and the summer places are places that attract tourists.

What do picket sign writers put on their signs when they go on strike?
A: Depends on the situation.

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do they all have to drown?
A: No, because no one is stupid enough to follow a drowner.

If buttered bread always lands on the butter-side down and a cat always lands on its feet, what happens if you strap buttered bread to a cat's back?
A: Cats dont always land on their feet.

Why do ballerinas stand on their toes? Can't they just get taller women?
A: That's part of the dance.

Do fish get thirsty?
A: No.

If you learn from mistakes, why aren't I a genius?
A: It takes a lot of knowledge to be a genius

Why don't people on TV ever go to the bathroom?
A: They do, you just dont see it.

How do blind people know when they are done wiping?
A: They don't. It's called obsessive compulsive disorder.

If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
A: Depends on the mother.

If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?
A: Too heavy.WAAAAY too heavy.

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
A: No.

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
A: So no one can break inside the store.

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
A: Yes. They HAVE to say that.

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
A: Because people are stupid.

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
A: Deer cross there first and people see it so they put a sign in that spot.

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
A: Humorous people.

Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
A: Because it was taken.

Why do people order a double cheeseburger, large fries, and a diet soda?
A: Because they like the flavor of diet soda.

Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected the expected?
A: It's just an expression meaning watch out for things you will least see.

If a building is on fire, and you make more fire, would it be considered making the fire worse or better?
A: Better. The fire is better but worse for you.

Why are there five syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
A: Prefixes and root words.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
A: Because last time I checked, you have to buy toys.

If you work in a hospital, can you call in sick?
A: Yes.

Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
A: Yes, it's still a small place.

If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?
A: Those are just expressions.

What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?
A: They ask those people their original hair color.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
A: Just an expression.

After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
A: No.

Did Washington flash a quarter when asked for ID?
A: Quarters showing him wasn't made till many many years after his death.

If the post office has machines that can sort snail mail by the thousands per minute, then why do they give it to a little old man on a bike to deliver?
A: Sorting and delivering.

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
A: Expression.

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
A: Look somewhere else.

If Superman is so smart, then why does he wear his underpants on the outside of his trousers?
A: Those pants are two tone.

If you’re in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
A: Then you're going the same speed.

Why do we kill people for killing people to show that killing people is wrong?
A: WE don't. Maybe you do.

Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman’s chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him?
A: Haven't you ever heard of "Not in the face"?

If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?
A: The same.

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
A: Read the ingredients for baby oil.

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead?"
A: Actually, the fool was the person saying "quitters never win and winners never quit."

HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW THIS STUFF?! I'M THIRTEEN AND KNOW MORE THAN YOU! Most of these were common sense questions.

 

[Demix18]

If buttered bread always lands on the butter-side down and a cat always lands on its feet, what happens if you strap buttered bread to a cat's back?

The cat lands on buttered bread, lol

 

[Kona]

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
No, they don't know enjoyment.
Why do irons have a setting for permanent press?
To press permanently
How can you tell when sour cream goes bad?
When it smells bad
How much sin can I get away with and still go to heaven?
Depends on your religion
How young can you die of old age?
50
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
Nope
If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?
To celebrities
If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
It's a reward
If the number 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still number 2?
Number 2 is for the type of lead
If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?
Depends on how much you ate
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Succeed to failing
If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?
I don't even think that is a misdemeanor
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Keeps it air tight
Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
Skin is more sensitive and hair is thin
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Air pressure
Why is a boxing ring square?
It's a squared-circle..still considered a ring
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
It sticks to your lips
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
I don't
Why is the third hand on the watch called second hand?
It's referring to the time
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Everyone is rushing to get home
Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?
Some people don't know what a dictionary is
Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
Because it is part of the whole foot
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
No, they chunky-dunk
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
Shows your age
What if there were no hypothetical situations?
We would all die
Where would we be without rhetorical questions?
There you go
If swimming's such good exercise, how come whales are so fat?
They are born that way
If you throw a kitten out of a moving car, would it be considered kitty litter?
No, it would be cruelty to animals
How do Keep Off The Grass signs get there?
A guy sticks it in the ground
Could God make a burrito so hot he couldn't eat it?
No, he can do anything
Do we make bombs better or worse?
Better
Why don't sheep shrink in the rain?
They have muscles and bones
If a person told you they were a pathological liar, would you believe them?
Yeah
Can you learn to read from a "Reading for Dummies" book?
Probably not
If someone gives you a penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, where does the other penny go? Do you get change?
Yeah..sure
If pro is the opposite of con, and progress is moving forward, what is congress?
Moving the country backwards
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Psychics don't use their abilities for personal gain
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
That was on a Trix Yougurt...and I have no clue why
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Start is so you can do something
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Artificial tastes better
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
He breaks your money up so you can get more
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
You already asked that
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Too much work to catch mice
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Humans
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
He did after the flood
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
So you don't die with an infection
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
They are small houses, idk
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
They need their mouths open...umm idk why it's a reaction
Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?
It is what comes natural
If Jimmy cracks corn, and no one cares, why is there a song about it?
It's easy to sing
Why is an alarm clock going "off" when it actually turns on?
It is giving off a sound
If love is blind, how can we believe in love at first sight?
Love isn't at first sight, you make yourself believe that
Why is it that raindrops, but snowfalls?
Rain is in drops and snow just falls
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconuts, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
He can't think logically
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Whole bread
Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed," when afterward, it doesn't work anymore?
He is getting fixed to not work there anymore
If a drug store is open 24 hours, why are there locks on the doors?
Same with 7/11's...I have no clue why
If you make a cow laugh, will milk come out its nose?
No, boogers
Why can't Mr. Fork and Mr. Electrical Socket be friends?
Fork is metal
Who was the first to see a cow and think "I wonder what will happen if i squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?"
Scottish dude probably
If a schizophrenic threatens suicide, is it declared a hostage situation?
Sure is
Why was the Holy Roman Empire neither holy nor Roman?
They couldn't come up with a fancier name
If a tree falls on a mime in the woods, and there's no one there to hear it, does the mime make a sound?
No unfourtunately


...

 

[Kona]

What is the speed of darkness?
Slower than light
If a man washes a dish, and no woman is around to see it, did it happen?
No it did not
Why doesn't onomatopoeia sound like what it is?
The english language is messed up
How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
Not much deeper
Do three headed fire dragons have heated arguments with themselves?
Probably
Why exactly is there a snow-globe with summer scenes?
It's for entertainment
What do picket sign writers put on their signs when they go on strike?
Idk
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do they all have to drown?
No, they are good enough swimmers not to drown
Why is minimalism such a big word?
Because of the malism at the end
If buttered bread always lands on the butter-side down and a cat always lands on its feet, what happens if you strap buttered bread to a cat's back?
The cat wins
Why do ballerinas stand on their toes? Can't they just get taller women?
It's for looks
Do fish get thirsty?
Sure do
If you learn from mistakes, why aren't I a genius?
Beats me
Why don't people on TV ever go to the bathroom?
It isn't reality
How do blind people know when they are done wiping?
They just know
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
No
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?
A practice is a job thinger
If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?
It is heavy shit
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Don't think so
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
No, just crippled
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
Maybe
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Yeah, it is part of the Miranda rights
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
For blind people, duh
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
They put it up after they cross
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
Whoever created the word...
Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
Asteroids are big rocks in space, the word was already taken
Why do banks leave both doors open, yet they chain pens to the countertops?
Pens are expensive these days I guess
Why do people order a double cheeseburger, large fries, and a diet soda?
They like food
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected the expected?
That is on a shirt I have...and yes it does
If a building is on fire, and you make more fire, would it be considered making the fire worse or better?
Worse
Why are there five syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
Monosyllabic has nothing to do with this word, just others with one syllable
How is it that "Fat Chance" and "Slim Chance" mean the same thing?
I'm not a doctor, no clue
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Not really
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
So the toy makers make money
Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
Probably not
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Yeah
If you work in a hospital, can you call in sick?
Yup
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
I guess so
Why do they call it a "TV set" when you only get one?
Set refers to the inside, being made of many things
Why do they call them "buildings" when they're already done building them?
Building is just a word
If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?
Very, when thrown they do damage
What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?
N/A
Why do they sell cigarettes at the gas station if you can't smoke there?
So you have something to do in the car
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Next time you will overkill yourself
Why does a cowboy wear two spurs? If one side of the horse goes, so does the other.
It looks funny with one
After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
That is an old wive's tale
In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
It means what comes out of your mouth, not where/what you do with it
Did Washington flash a quarter when asked for ID?
No
How come there aren’t B batteries?
I'll invent one just for you
If the post office has machines that can sort snail mail by the thousands per minute, then why do they give it to a little old man on a bike to deliver?
Idiots...
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
Walking in NY
Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
Nope
How can there be self-help “groups?”
The group helps you self-help yourself
Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
Never did, sorry
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
They arn't
If Superman is so smart, then why does he wear his underpants on the outside of his trousers?
Secret identity, duh
If you’re in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
You can't see as well
What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?
It dies
Why do we kill people for killing people to show that killing people is wrong?
An eye for an eye rule applys here
Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman’s chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him?
Guns are metal and hurt
What if the Hokey Pokey IS what its all about?
Exactly
If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?
Very weird wood structures
If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?
Orange is a really weird thing.
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
Nature
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead?"
A sore loser
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they are out walking around delivering the mail?
People are stupid


That was fun.

 

[lost_victory]

HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW THIS STUFF?! I'M THIRTEEN AND KNOW MORE THAN YOU! Most of these were common sense questions.

These were actually on my bebo and I already knew half of them were stupid and easy to understand. I NEVER WROTE ANY OF THESE. I just got them from a random site, And im pretty sure. And ghost if you really are smarter than me then why did you not read the thing when you signed up to this forum, you have to be thirteen and you signed up two years ago which would have made you :hmmmm: 11.

And Satinsoven, you really are so immature. Don't bother replying unless your going to say something intelligent

 

[Dorn]

Some of these questions are pretty clever some of them not so much. Still I know these are mostly rhetorical so will leave em well enough alone except...

Could God make a burrito so hot he couldn't eat it?
Yes but then he would eat it anyway

If a schizophrenic threatened suicide would it be considered a hostage situation
Not unless he/she had MPD as well

If buttered bread always lands on the butter-side down and a cat always lands on its feet, what happens if you strap buttered bread to a cat's back?
At least the cat won't go hungry as it plummits to it's doom

If you throw a kitten out of a moving car, would it be considered kitty litter?
It would be considered a public service

How do Keep Off The Grass signs get there?
Lowered in by crane...

Why can't Mr. Fork and Mr. Electrical Socket be friends?
Cause mr. Electrical Socket has a shocking personality

How do blind people know when they are done wiping?
What do you need to look or something?

What do picket sign writers put on their signs when they go on strike?
They down pickets

 

[satinsoven]

HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW THIS STUFF?! I'M THIRTEEN AND KNOW MORE THAN YOU! Most of these were common sense questions.

Actually ghost, I think it's more a question of humor and not really knowledge. Noone's really this dumb, but the questions are just supposed to be funny. And if your knees where backwards, you'd need to sit on a chair backwards (I tried it out)

And Satinsoven, you really are so immature. Don't bother replying unless your going to say something intelligent

Are you talking about the "abcdefghij"? Cause if you are, I just wrote that because the reply button wouldn't let me post the quote alone. I answered the questions inside the quote anyway, so it's not spam.

 

[Ghost]

Satin, If you see some people at my school, you will know why I said that. And... You tried sitting in a chair with your knees backwards?

 

[satinsoven]

No, I made a model in Ms Paint.

 

[pheonix]

People please...

-These jokes are to answer for fun, not to show how intelligible you are.
-This isn't meant to be a topic where you insult others remarks or statments/post, because to them they might have actually thought it was a smart reply. [Unless they are acting dumb]
-If they are just humourous questions, why then lost_victory can we not post joke replies to at least some of them?

Just keep it considered.

-I have to log off...

I will make this post on topic on monday. So please don't mod me mods.

 

[lost_victory]

Pheonix I didnt actually say that they can't be humorous I just said not to post stupid things that arn't related. Feel free to make jokes im not stopping anyone from doing that