Mortal Kombat High

Good update.

Try not to repeat words or phrases if you're not using it to add a certain effect to your writing. So instead of "the black male" over and over, try using different words to describe him. So, try and switch it up a bit e.g. you could use "mysterious, but apparently friendly, man". Each different description builds up more of an image into the reader's head without necessarily telling them who he is and stuff about him.
 
Thanks ^^ and okay, i will take note of that ^^ I think I'm doing good so far ^^

hmm..and chapter 4 is going to be about Talent show..yes, i know, major filler for a chapter xD

and when coming to talent shows..is it alright I use sims 2 for like for the talent performance? because i feel if I'm writing out the acts..it may not be entertaining enough for the reader or i may do it half-assed just cause..well..idk about writing out performance of talent shows o_O
 
Well that is different.
That would be pretty damn cool actually.

I've been wanting to have someone animate MKHS for the longest time so go full throttle with that idea :D
 
Coolsies! :D

I was thinking about making MK High in sims 2 before writing the fanfic, but then I'm like "Nah..let me see how this plays off first, if it hits off good, then I may consider it."

and that would be awesome..but the thing is..i can't make them like they are in mk9, i can try to match the faces, or what they would wear fi they werent in netherrelam and stuff like how they would look in highschool or something like that..O-o if that'll work?
 
Alrighty! Working chapter 4! but instead of the talent show (since halloween is coming up) i decided to work on a chapter about the costume party..and if you're interested, i found some sims 2 muscular meshes...so they wont look like shonen-ai guys xD
 
NOTE: Sorry I haven't been working on the chapters lately, I will try to do it more often when I can. And sorry this chapter is very short, I needed to somehow get my inspiration back...and on the next chapter, I will tone down Sonya x Jax.

Chapter 4 - A Never-ending Dream

"Attention Students! We are going to have a talent show in 3 weeks, if you want to audition, please come to the auditorium after school, I repeat, if you want to audition for the talent show, come to the auditorium after school. The auditions end this Friday. Thank you." Raiden said over the speaker, ending the announcement.

"Hey guys!" Johnny Cage ran up to Sonya and Jax alongside with Skarlet.

"You're starting to be late for almost everything. " Sonya said as Skarlet giggled at her snide comment.

"Hey! No need to be a smart-ass!" Johnny Cage rolled his eyes. While Johnny Cage and Sonya were going at it with insults and Skarlet trying to settle it down, there was Jax, started to daydream about how it would be if Sonya was his girlfriend.

"Hey Jax! Hurry up! We're gonna be late for class!" Johnny Cage shouted snapping Jax from his daydream. "Huh? Aw yeah, you go on, I'ma be there in just a sec." Jax quickly grabbed his math textbook and hurriedly ran to his math class.

"Alright class, open your math textbook to page 421, we will be learning about Linear Functions today." Shang Tsung said as he grabbed the chalk to write on the chalkboard while the whole class groaned in unison. As Shang continued to write on the chalkboard and explaining the mathematical problems, Jax began to fall asleep, dreaming his desire of being with Sonya.

"Sonya, will you marry me?" Jax asked as he got down on one knee and opened a box of a diamond ring that's 14 carat gold. "Yes!" Sonya said as she cried happily as Jax proposed to her. He picked her up and spinning around with her in his arms, as they turned into their wedding clothes. Shang Tsung came out in Priest clothes, ready to marry the couple.

"Do you, Jackson Briggs, take Sonya Blade, to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"I do."

"Do you, Sonya Blade, take Jackson Briggs, to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do."

"I now pronounce you husband and wife."

Sonya and Jax began to kiss passionately as their fulfilled love began to fill the room. The bridesmaids of Sonya began to tear up and cried, even Sonya's worst enemies, Kitana, Jade, and Mileena was there and even tear up as well.

On that night, Jax and Sonya arrived to their new home, as they bid their farewell to their friends and guests, they shut the door behind them and began to kiss each other passionately, one kiss after another and eventually, they made love on that special night. After the marriage, the love-making, they eventually had kids, grew old, and died together…in peace.
 
Hmm... This seems to have potential... Time for a Toxic Breakdown!

If you're not aware, a Toxic breakdown is when I deconstruct you story and tell you every little thing you did wrong and right, then rewrite a bunch of segments so you can see the good and the bad in action, then attempt to find you a similar story you can use for reference while writing your own. Not now though. It's late and I'm tired and I do not want to butcher a review while I'm trying to help someone. Expect a nice long review in the near future though. Tomorrow, maybe.
 
The only thing that threw me off was the day dream. I think you could have described it better without the use of dialogue.
Hope there's more
 
Hmm... This seems to have potential... Time for a Toxic Breakdown!

If you're not aware, a Toxic breakdown is when I deconstruct you story and tell you every little thing you did wrong and right, then rewrite a bunch of segments so you can see the good and the bad in action, then attempt to find you a similar story you can use for reference while writing your own. Not now though. It's late and I'm tired and I do not want to butcher a review while I'm trying to help someone. Expect a nice long review in the near future though. Tomorrow, maybe.

Alrighty. I'll be looking forward to it whenever you're ready.

The only thing that threw me off was the day dream. I think you could have described it better without the use of dialogue.
Hope there's more

Maybe so..I kinda made this chapter in a rush...So It wasn't my best of work.
 
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