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iViTal

iViTal

Active member
I have no idea why, but I had the urge to write something like this..


One's conscience prevents them from falling into the arms of guilt and sorrow, however immorality steps in with the tongue of a serpent to tell them otherwise. Believe it or not, but it's a battle for the mind between these two mental powers of right and wrong. They tough it out in an effort to break the mental barrier, cause one to commit either a righteous act or wrongful doing. These actions reflect what others think of oneself, Ultimately creating a set path for ones life. In the process these two powers can turn oneself into a great leader being a role model to others, and envied by those who chose the path of immorality. Another product of the two powers are corrupted tyrants who only seek power for personal gain. One only has one life with two paths.. So which will you choose?

Ehhh.. Kinda gay, I know <_<
 
My Lit teacher writes poetry, and he's pretty good at it too.

I'll probably ask him for some tips for beginners, he says I have a strong narrative voice when writing summaries and essays in class.
 
Not bad

I like your vocabulary

I also really liked how you kept it open-ended at the very end and gave the readers a choice of what to do next

Honestly though, I don't think why you would put the phrase "tough it out" in something like this

I don't mind the phrase itself, but it didn't really flow with the rest of the piece

Consistency in the type of dialect you're trying to use makes it easier for me personally to get with the flow of the piece of writing you're putting down for all of us to pick up

You got maaaaaaaaaad potential though, bro, keep going at it
 
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