Backstory behind Johnny Cages power

Anything i should add?

  • More detail!

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  • More drama!

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  • More complexity!

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Epilogue: We all know Johnny Cage as an excellent fighter hidden behind layers of arrogant douchebagery. But have you ever wondered, what is the source of Johnny Douche's power? Wanna find out? Well, your in luck. Now lets see what hides behind the sunglasses and perfect smile.......

Chapter 1: The Beggining

Back in 100000 CE, the Mortal Kombat tournaments were just being instated to impede Shao Kahns merger of the realms. But there were no worthy warriors at the time, so the Elder Gods had to think of something. The Elder Gods then enlisted the Mayans, who had pledged there allegiance in exchange for unimaginable power, to breed worthy warriors, those who hold power beyond that of mere mortals.The Mayans were troubled at first, for they had not understood the concept of breeding super humans. Then, the tribes Witch Doctor, Tegucipallo , came up with an idea. Tegucipallo was very short, and was covered from the neck down in tree sap, as to preserve his body. His hair was very dark and greasy, covered with all sorts of feathers from many different birds. His teeth were a solid shade of yellow, well the one that he had left was. Because of this, he talked in a very ridiculous way, often making him impossible to understand. His face had the complexion of tree bark, with tons of warts covering his face. One of his eyes was always squinted, the other one was a lazy eye, making his expression terrifying 24/7. Tegucipallo new of a way to breed new warriors, by fusing proficient fighters with a sacred herb known as Tooloo powder. When the Tooloo powder was fused with humans, a fight test would ensue against impossible odds, most famous being five gorillas. If it worked, the warriors would win with no problem, and there eyes would always a glow a deep green, the color of pure jade. After Shao Kahn's last defeat, or so it seemed, the warriors were proved to be power hungry and dangerous, so they were locked away in asphalt, awaiting execution. However, one escaped, through means that no one ever found out. She was tall, with hazel skin. And just like every other Tooloo powered warrior, her eyes glowed with pure jade color.

Chapter 2: The Awakening

A million or so years later, Johnny Cage is on set filming scene 20 of Ninja Mime. Johnny is a very interesting person, although his ego can get the best at times,(ok, pretty much ALL the time). Johnny had made a lot of hit movies by then, his other most popular movie being "Time Smashers". After Ninja Mime finished, broke the box office at a record breaking 16.9 trillion dollars, Johnny was running out of ideas. But wait, how did Johnny discover his powers you may ask? Well, lets find out.

Chapter 3: Flashback

It was 1985, a teenage Johnny Cage was playing dodge ball with his friends, if paying them hourly to do so counted. Johnny's mom and father had very good jobs, so they had plenty of power in their small community of Kwan Valley, all bought through money. Johnny's mother was the sweetest thing you could imagine. She was tall, with black hair, always cut short or in a ponytail, and had this cute little scar on her cheek, it was also tainted with the color of asphalt. Her face can only be described as the embodiment of kindness. Her face was warm, always happy, and had the smoothest skin you could imagine. She was part Asian, so her eyes were a tad bit slanted. Her hazel skin was so beautiful, all the men in the town swooned at her sight. But she was no ordinary lady, she was extremely proficient at staff and boomerang training, making her a force to be reckoned with. While she was practicing, her eyes turned a pure green, a green that can only be described as the color of pure jade.

Chapter 4: The Discovery

"Toss it over here!", Johnny's friend Jace shouted as they passed the ball back and forth. Jace's parents were very overprotective, so he was always covered in a black jumpsuit, completely opaque. All there was to see was a small tuft of blonde hair, and a pair of rosy red eyes. Jace didn't really like Johnny as a person, but 1000 bucks and hour was too good to pass up. "Check this out!" Johnny screamed as Jace threw the ball towards him. Johnny jumped in the air, and suddenly, he rocketed forward, encased in a green aura. Jace looked on in amazement. "Holy smokes....." Jace exclaimed under his breath. He nearly fell to his knees from shock, and of course, jealousy of Johnny's cool powers. When Johnny landed on the ground, he had no idea what happened. "Uh.... OUCH!" Johnny yelled as the deflated dodge ball landed on his head. Johnny came to his senses and ran home, leaving Jace in the grass with his jaw hanging open."Mom, are you home!?", he shouted," I have to ask you something!". "Coming sweetie!" Johnny's mom rushed to his side. When she saw the deflated dodge ball and the green aura coming off of it, she turned pale as snow and tensed all her muscles."Johnny......", she said with a very shaky voice," Go to your room for a sec please". "But mom, i have something to...". "Just go for a second.", Johnny's mom said in a calm yet stern voice. Johnny, dazed and confused, climbed the stairs to his room. He needed alone time anyway. "Jade....". A shadowy figure came from outside the door. "You have to tell him eventually." "He doesn't need to know yet!" Jade sounded like she was about to cry. "And i don't go by Jade anymore!" She yelled. Johnny was startled, but was too wrapped in thoughts to even care. "Ah yes, what was it that you called yourself now..... Marie is it?" The figure tilted its head quizzically."Y-yes". Marie was very shaky in her tone, like she was fighting all the urges to have a breakdown right then and there.The figure chuckled. "Heh heh, well it seems that the boy knows what he's capable of!". "I know.....". Marie looked longingly at her family picture. Her, Johnny, and her late husband. She then looked down at her hand as her staff changed in length, over and over again.(Cant continue for a while, some shit went down and its suckin my free time away, will try to continue as soonn as possible though)
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Hey man no problem. This sounds interesting because even I don't know how JC got his green glowing power thing. I'm sure you'll do a good job with it
You see where it says, "The Offical Fanfiction Thread" share with us this work if you want people to write it and receive help.
Why thank you, hopefully i get plenty of opinions, i love it when people tell me what they think of my story's ^.^
This ain't half bad

I like how you're trying to incorporate elements like the Mayans and witch doctors, it kinda gives the story an ambitious and mythological feel to it

I do have a small complaint, though: it seemed like throughout your fanfic, you focused a little too much on describing the characters the characters in the chapters

Adding detail to a story never hurts but try not to add detail to a point where it becomes distracting for the reader. It makes things a little more difficult to follow if there's so much going on in just that short amount. Adding detail should enhance the story you're trying to tell, not hinder it

I like where you're going with this, though, really

Looking forward to what you do next
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New chapters are better and just take a page from Metal's advice.

Over characterizing the characters is a bit much sometimes. We get Johnn'ys mom is good with the pole (LIKE JADE OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO) but including the scar was like, "oh ok scar."
Yep. I think it's about time for another of my constructive breakdowns. This will NOT be sugarcoated, so expect lots of criticism.

First off... I think you mean prologue and not epilogue.

Second, I do believe you mean 100,000 BCE, not 100,000 CE... Unless of course you are implying that The mayans ascended back into power 100,000 years in the future and sent warriors back in time.

Also, you have issues with informality in your exposition. Ignoring that the majority of your story is exposition, a problem in its own right, you utilize words and sentences ripped out of casual conversation. Take for example, this sentence:

"His teeth were a solid shade of yellow, well the one that he had left was." The first part of the sentence, although the description is unnecessary given the characters brief appearance, is fine. The second, however, is far too awkward. Firstly, it should be 'ones,' not 'one' and 'were,' not 'was.' Even ignoring those errors, saying "Well the ones that he had left were" is needlessly awkward. Try something like, "His teeth were a solid shade of yellow... Those that remained, that is." It adds a level of complexity to the sentence, and is more enjoyable to read overall.

The same criticism goes for sentences such as "with tons of warts covering his face." It sounds hastily put together, a peril all writers should strive to avoid. "... complexion of tree bark with a face covered in warts." It flows better, does it not?

I just want to state once more that putting this much effort into describing a character that appears for so brief a period is unnecessary and a rather avoidable waste of time.

(ok, pretty much ALL the time) Bracketed side notes in exposition? That's something you should always strive to avoid. Hell, you should avoid that in all types of writing, except in very specific circumstances.

Also, 16.9 trillion dollars is a ludicrously unrealistic number. Very few movies can claim sales that break 1 billion, and you're saying that this movie made 16,900 times that amount? I don't think that much money exists on our planet, and I don't think MK society is large enough that movies make more money than the governments of earth can spend in a decade. This same problem of illogical measurements applies to your time scale. If your story starts 100,000 years before Christ (which I assume is what you meant) than your saying that humanity has made next to no advancements over a period of 900,000 years once they reached the modern era? The Mayan's did NOT exist 1,000,000 years ago. Such an implication is ridiculous.

"But wait, how did Johnny discover his powers you may ask? Well, lets find out." Don't ask questions like that during exposition. You're not conversing with the reader, you are explaining things. "Let's find out" suffers from the same issue. Don't talk to your reader during the story.

Chapter three suffers from the same character description issues I mentioned earlier.

Chapter four has issues. One thousand dollars an hour is another example of numbers being ridiculous for the sake of being ridiculous, and is a perfect example of how NOT to do dialogue. Remember, start a new paragraph every time somebody new starts talking. If you don't do that then things just look horrible. You also lack description in your conversational scenes. It's just an endless pool of dialogue with a little exposition tossed in. Also, tossing Jade in as a relative of Cage? What? It's been pretty clearly stated in canon that Jade is an Edenian, a friend of Kitana, and also some 10,000 years old. Somehow, I severely doubt that there are family relations between them.

So yeah. That concludes this review. Please remember, that I didn't tear this story apart for my entertainment. It was my objective in this response to make you aware of your own shortcomings as an authour so that you could address them and grow as a writer. Please don't take my criticism the wrong way. If you find yourself confused or unsure in regards to any of my criticisms, don't hesitate to toss a message my way. I would gladly go clarify things for you, or go into greater detail with some of my complaints.
Sweet fuk that review, your not gonna crack down hard on the rest of us like that right.


Ok i like the twist cause it makes sense but that text organization has to be changed man.

"blah blah". And then Tim ran home. "blah, blah". Tom responded.
will look better with

"blah blah", Tim said as he ran home.

"blah, blah", Tom responded.

The space between each action and saying is key. Nonetheless your building story, go with Toxic's advice cause he always words it the best and try to organize it better
Also if ya haven't read it, i cant really add on to this story at the time being, Shit goin down in my life. Just hold tight though guys, ill do my best to continue soon
And i meant to include the moments where it seemed i, the author, was talking to the reader, and i tried to include a little of out-of-story-humor. I wanna be a dynamic writer, AKA knowing the reader is there and saying stuff to acknowledge that. I appreciate the review though :)
Toxic mentioned how i made Jade seem like a relative, where in the story thats not true. Also sorry for the multiple posts, my CPU is being retarted -.-
And i meant to include the moments where it seemed i, the author, was talking to the reader, and i tried to include a little of out-of-story-humor. I wanna be a dynamic writer, AKA knowing the reader is there and saying stuff to acknowledge that. I appreciate the review though :)

I think your misinterpreting what it means to acknowledge the readers presence. What that means is that you acknowledge that someone is reading your work, and write so that they will understand the events occurring. It does not means that you write little blurbs outside the story to have a conversation with them mid-fiction. The only time its ever acceptable to write as though you're talking to the reader is when you're writing from a first-person perspective, and having the character tell the story to the reader. It's a difficult concept to explain, but a good example of what your trying to do is present in Jim Butcher's "The Dresden Files." You'll notice that his stories are all told in the first-person, making it acceptable to do so.
ARGH! Alright, i finally got these issues sorted out, took a lot outta me though :(. But ill be back veeeeeeeeeery soon, and will work on a 3 chapter expansion as an apology for making you all wait :)