Sorry for the double post but this is what I was talking about for my anime-esque Mortal Kombat
I can see everything. A new experience for me. It feels foreign yet natural. There are tall figures moving around wearing some sort of bright light around them. The figures are all shapes and sizes, some with different feautres, others with no bright light surrounding them. One thing stood out from the other figures. A tall figure like the rest but was surronded by a black light and red lines of some sort. The figure gazed at me with one black and white thing and a red glowing light. The other figures had two black and white things, why was this one different. All movement stopped as the black and white things focused on something. That something was me.
Okay so that was a point of view of a clone in a lab surrounded by scientists. If you know who the figure is that has the red glowing light I'll give you a cookie
Hmm... The word 'figure' was used far too much, and the paragraph seemed rather bland overall. I can't comment on the premise of the story due to the scarcity of details, however, I will write a revision of the paragraph to give you an idea of how it could be better.
I can see everything; a new experience. The feeling is foreign, yet natural all the same. Tall figures move about before me, an aura of bright light projecting from their bodies. Their shadows dance upon the walls, misty forms of all shapes and sizes. I strain my eyes, (at least I think they're my eyes) and I can make out differences between the them. I spot odd protrusions jutting out from the flesh of some, and see that the lights are dimmer around others. Some have no light at all. My pupils dash back and forth, fervently scanning the room containing me as I try to examine, to understand everything around me. Yet somehow, they are always drawn back to one spot.
In that spot rests a shadow of a man, (a man like me? Am I a man?) of similar size and stature to the others. There was, however, no bright light surrounding him. Instead, blackness radiated from his being. Blackness punctuated wish bloody streaks of red. As if sensing my gaze, it locked it's eyes with my own, the black and white orbs radiating red light. This confused me. Why was this one different from the others? Or were they just different from it? Were they both normal? Was
I different? As I frantically tried to comprehend this mystery, I failed to noticed as all movement in the room ceased, and every pair of eyes present focused on one corner of the room.
My corner.
i think i may be in need of some editing mainly i just need help dealing with the wall of text.
If you pm a copy of each chapter to me before posting, I'll gladly help you with your spacing issues.