Mortal Kombat:Resurrection

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bad10

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Chapter 1:The Truce

Sub-Zero was training in the forest near the Lin Kuei Temple. All was quiet. The an Oni came out of nowhere and attacked Sub-Zero. Scorpion appeared. Another Oni came and attacked Scorpion.
Sub-Zero soon froze and killed the Oni. Scorpion shot his spear at the Oni. "GET OVER HERE!!!"said Scorpion. The spear went in the Oni's heart.
"Truce?"said Sub-Zero.
"Truce until we stop whoever sent those Oni after us." said Scorpion.
The two ninja warriors started looking around for clues. "I found an artifact!"said Scorpion.
"Raiden might know what it is, c'mon!"said Sub-Zero. They were going to Raiden's temple.

Soon they arived. "I have never seen anything like this. An evil seems to be rising"said Raiden.
"What can we do?"said Sub-Zero.
"Go and gather warriors for the war!"said Raiden."We will need an army when the evil is resurrected!"
"We will!"said Scorpion. The ninjas fought through hordes of Oni on there way to Earthrealm.
to be continued...
 
Been following ur stories for awhile bad and I hope that you are taking into consideration, suggestions and critisisms people are giving out as you continue writing, cause only then will you improve.

Only thing I would like to add is with regards to the story. A good story starts off usually with a background or a premise. A background could be an already existing content, for example a game storyline or continuation of a movie etc OR it could even be something you created yourself. Eitherways it must be explained before you start off with the tale so that it doesn't appear random or out of the blue. In your story, you started off with Sub Zero training at the forests close to the Lin Kuei. But if you had explained which Sub Zero we are dealing with (Kuai Liang/ Bi Han), the time period of the events etc the story would have been a lot more richer.

Another thing I would like to add is regards to story events. Going by your tale, I can see you want Sub Zero and Scorpion teaming up which is a good plot twist but the problem is you structured the route of this event happening, wrongly. Scorpion has no reason to hang around the Lin Kuei HQ and also it is very unlikely that he instantly forms an alliance with his arch rival. Hence I advice formulating events more logically which would be more believable and appreciated.

Anyways this is just what I think. Im guessing you are young and for your age you are doing alright. Do keep reading other fanfics and improving yourself and you will be good. :)
 
^ Dang it. I was going to tell him that... But make it so a 12 year old could understand it.. o_o
 
I dnt like it, at all, scorpion would have accused sub-zero of sending oni's to attack him and vise-versa, and Raiden would never trust Scorpion with something important, actullay he wouldn't trust him at all.....
 
Armageddon said:
I dnt like it, at all, scorpion would have accused sub-zero of sending oni's to attack him and vise-versa, and Raiden would never trust Scorpion with something important, actullay he wouldn't trust him at all.....
Click to expand...
It would of been better if Shinook summoned the Bat People. :laugh:
 
Armageddon said:
I dnt like it, at all, scorpion would have accused sub-zero of sending oni's to attack him and vise-versa, and Raiden would never trust Scorpion with something important, actullay he wouldn't trust him at all.....
Click to expand...

Its fanFic anything can happen, you cant really base fan fic exactly off the MK games,
 
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Flying Jinko said:
Been following ur stories for awhile bad and I hope that you are taking into consideration, suggestions and critisisms people are giving out as you continue writing, cause only then will you improve.

Only thing I would like to add is with regards to the story. A good story starts off usually with a background or a premise. A background could be an already existing content, for example a game storyline or continuation of a movie etc OR it could even be something you created yourself. Eitherways it must be explained before you start off with the tale so that it doesn't appear random or out of the blue. In your story, you started off with Sub Zero training at the forests close to the Lin Kuei. But if you had explained which Sub Zero we are dealing with (Kuai Liang/ Bi Han), the time period of the events etc the story would have been a lot more richer.

Another thing I would like to add is regards to story events. Going by your tale, I can see you want Sub Zero and Scorpion teaming up which is a good plot twist but the problem is you structured the route of this event happening, wrongly. Scorpion has no reason to hang around the Lin Kuei HQ and also it is very unlikely that he instantly forms an alliance with his arch rival. Hence I advice formulating events more logically which would be more believable and appreciated.

Anyways this is just what I think. Im guessing you are young and for your age you are doing alright. Do keep reading other fanfics and improving yourself and you will be good. :)
Click to expand...

good ideas dude!!!
 
Armageddon said:
I dnt like it, at all, scorpion would have accused sub-zero of sending oni's to attack him and vise-versa, and Raiden would never trust Scorpion with something important, actullay he wouldn't trust him at all.....
Click to expand...

Scorpion would not accuse Sub-Zero because was being attacked too!
 
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