Dealing with a depressing parent

Angel

New member
Well anyone remember my topic a long while back about me trying to figure out if I want to sell my artwork or not and asking for your opinion. I just put a the question forward to my father. Wish I hadn't.

It ended with him insulting one of my drawings, by saying everyone at uni is not saying much about it cause their too afriad to tell me its crap. Okay yeah... Its bad. I just put that up today though in my gallery space for our end of year show and the last thing I need is it to be slaughtered.

Now I'm desperately trying to sell this piece of rubbish just to shut him up and prove him wrong. Its making me depressed having insults like that. He thinks I can't sell drawings... Only paintings sell... And well, my painting are not worth selling.

Anyone know how to deal with a depressive father who thinks he knows it all. Cause I'm trying not to go at him with a sledge hammer right now. Really trying to resist it.
 
well i gotta tell you ive dealt with this sort of situation before with an almost-stepfather. crappy times. just lock your door for some time. dont show entire disrespect, but show him that you're pissed about his remarks. how much are u selling a drawing for? waitaminit......put it on eBay but don't tell him unless it's sold for a decent price. THEN prove him who's wrong but don't shove it in his face or more trouble might occur. ask more if you need more help. but for the time being, i'm there when u need me. just ask, and i'll help the task

~Kold
 
Your drawings/finger paintings are shit. This is probably the only time I'll ever agree with someone of your bloodline. I just wish you were the load he spewed up your mother's other pipe. Then I'd have more respect for the guy.
 
damn, krypt, that sure was uncalled for. we're not even discussing her drawings, but how to deal with th kind of parent.
 
Kryptonite said:
Your drawings/finger paintings are shit. This is probably the only time I'll ever agree with someone of your bloodline. I just wish you were the load he spewed up your mother's other pipe. Then I'd have more respect for the guy.
fs, there really wasnt any need for that man, it was bang out really!

Angel, dont listen 2 him yeah....i get the same...you dont get given the credit for all the good stuff you do, and all the bad points get picked on, its not fair....plus, obv your drawings/paintings etc are good, because if they werent, you wouldnt have got in2 uni...what to do is, just ignore what he said, ano its hard, but ignore it, and carry on with your drawings an paintings...they might not be da vinci standard, but as long as your doing your best, fuck everyone else, and what they say about you....have confidance yeah, an prove your dad wrong...as kold said above, dont shove it in his face, coz that does cause more trouble, i know about doin that, but just go about it quietly and dont let him affect you, and anyways, im sure your stuffs great, and you'll have no trouble selling it:)
 
Krytponite is just beinbg honest and his usual self, nothing more, nothing less. Don't hate him for it. I know he could be more tactful at times and get his thoughts across a little more subtely, but that's just him.

I haven't seen any of your art I don't recall, Angel, so I can't really judge it, sorry.
 
Hmm... I really haven' seen good advice yet, at least not a whole post of it. I wouldn't lock myself in my room, it's childish. Shutting everyone out of your life because you're pissed at the world or one person isn't going to fix it. And just becaus your dad knows you're pissed isn't going to make him change his mind. Unless of course you're one of those daughters that has their dad wrapped around their finger. Most problems aren't fixed by avoiding them, they just creep up later because it wasn't handled.

Confronting him directly at present moment isn't the best solution either. Going into an arguement hot headed does no good. You need to make sure you approach him when both of you are level headed. You also need to make sure that you can control your own emotions, and let any negative comments roll off of your back, or it's going to turn into a screaming match where you each just take stabs at each other trying to verbally injure one another. If you can't go into a conversation of such nature without losing your composure, I'd suggest letting your father know that you couldn't give a rat's ass what he thinks about your work and not ask his opinion anymore because his opinion is shit in your eyes.

Unless he's an expert on art and critiqueing it, you shouldn't put so much faith in his opinion anyway. Realise that some parents just won't be happy with what their children do. If this is the case, there will be no pleasing him, even if you're ruler of the world. He'd still give nothing but negative comments on what you should have done differently to get where you did.

The ultimate way to handle the situation in my opinion would be to take a walk or whatever it takes to calm you down, then plan out a conversation with your father while you aren't all riled up. If you can do that, confront your dad and see if you can get him to speak to you about the subject with out throwing around insults. Basically challenge him to have a grown up and professional conversation. If he's not willing, or capable of doing so after you get started, let him know. Tell him you'll speak with him when he isn't going to be an ass about it, and to come get you when he's ready to have that conversation. Leave it at that, don't pursue it with him any further. If he insists, let him know he's too agitated to have a normal conversation with. Let him know you do want to finish the conversation, just when he isn't so heated about it. You have to stay calm yourself through the whole thing, or you're not going to get any where. You also have to be prepared for the fact that your dad just might not like what you're doing, and he's never going to give you good input. If that is the case, accept that. No law says you have to involve your father in your art if he can't support you at it.

You may never get to the bottom of your father's opinion, or why he feels that way, but if you can stay calm, and so can he, you should be able to reach a common ground, even if that common ground is that he doesn't approve of what you're doing. Understand nothin you do will change that if it happens to be. You will just have to move on with out your fathers input.

I wish you the best of luck in dealing with this situation, Angel. I've got an ass hole of a dad too, so I feel your pain and anguish. I learned that he's unimpressed, with whatever his children do. I talk to him as much as is necessary to get on in life, but unless it's an opinion of his that I feel he's knowledgeable in, I don't bother asking his input and look else where for advice. Of course this is much easier not living at home. Hope I've helped a bit at least.
 
I don't think anyone's going to be able to top the advice K1LL gave, but if I had to suggest something, it'd be to just get the hell out of that place. Maybe your father can be reasoned with, in which case you should obviously do whatever's in your power to work this out, but there are people out there who are just plain stubborn and incapable of being reasoned with, no matter what you do or say. From what I've heard of the abuse of your dad and your brother, it just seems like you'd be better off living somewhere else, even if it's only temporary. What's keeping you there besides financial dependence, anyway? If you're motivated enough to get out of there, you'll pull it off somehow. I know that's not the best advice in the world, but I'd like to help and that's the best I can come up with right now.

Now I doubt that you're actually asking for reassurance in regards to your art, but you know your art is great and just about everyone here besides Kryptonite would agree with that.
 
ChiefThunder said:
Krytponite is just beinbg honest and his usual self, nothing more, nothing less. Don't hate him for it. I know he could be more tactful at times and get his thoughts across a little more subtely, but that's just him.

I haven't seen any of your art I don't recall, Angel, so I can't really judge it, sorry.

I've learnt that Krypt will hate everything I do anyway... I've resorted to ignoring him now (Or just laughing at his comments... Esp his discriptions of Brittish people... They make me laugh at how wrong they are! XD). Besides I never show my best works, they draw in so much praises I feel uncortable and embarressed about it. You'd feel the same if you just wanted critism and not praising. I'll show this stuff... Cause it isn't great and I feel a lot less embarressed about it.

DeathcoreRyknow - I don't want resenurence about my art - yes you are correct. I hate being told my artwork is good all the time. It gets on my nerves since I prefer criticism to celebration.

K1LLKANO - Nice advice... Usually I walk out round my nans (who lives 5 miles away). But my father is afriad of me doing that since he wants to look good in her eyes (she hates him) and my walking out isn't good. But then again, he threatens to throw me out of the house next time I do it. He basically puts me in a arkward position since I struggle to find jobs so I can afford to live on my own. Where I'm from, my hometown... Weekend jobs are few and far between and their the only kind I can get. :/

Everything seems cool this morning. I'm praying he doesn't start off tomarrow, the day of my assessment at uni. *fingers are crossed* the last thing I want is to go to uni upset when my marks are on the line.
 
Angel said:
I've learnt that Krypt will hate everything I do anyway... I've resorted to ignoring him now (Or just laughing at his comments... Esp his discriptions of Brittish people... They make me laugh at how wrong they are! XD). Besides I never show my best works, they draw in so much praises I feel uncortable and embarressed about it. You'd feel the same if you just wanted critism and not praising. I'll show this stuff... Cause it isn't great and I feel a lot less embarressed about it.

I'd feel more "uncortable" and "embarressed" about my grammar and spelling than anything else if I were you. ;)
 
Top