What Grinds your Gears, part 2

I'm sorry but I'm just trying to hold all my emotions inside and pretend everything is alright in front of my co-workers, family, and friends. So far I'm doing well with my acting but it hurts. The one person I talk to can't really do much. Guys who I try to make them appreciate me actually seem to hide from me. I feel so much resentment right now. I don't care if no one responds to this but I have to let it out somewhere. A diary will not help. Saying it here and anonymously away from people who actually know me at least makes some individuals aware that the way how I feel actually exists even if it's just me. That when one guy can't have what he wants, he pretends he's ok with it but in reality he isn't and he wants to do something about it. This guy (me) has been working too hard and has been saying so any prayers yet he does not get what he truly desires. He has enough money to buy what he needs but he never got what he preferred most. I have lowered my standards enough when it comes to picking guys but I'M NOT HAPPY so it's basically useless to lower my standards when it comes toy sex life. Do keep in mind that this is about me and not "Nasty Freak". Me actually being the sweet, caring guy who had done his best to get the appreciation of the people he desires and to get out of his way and do favors for those other guys yet those individuals that he desires either avoid him, use him, are friends with him but are straight or taken, or some other stupid excuse not to at least be a friend with benefit if not a boyfriend. I believe I've mentioned situations like these before but this has not been resolved yet. The type of guys I want aren't usually in the club I go to. San Francisco is too far and costs too much money, gas, and time (travel time) so I can't really go there. Plus, many guys there are very arrogant and are drug addicts. FML! :(

Oh, and over my dead body, will I ever have sex nor make out with someone I don't like again!!! NO MORE PRETENDING TO WANT SOMEONE I DON'T WANT. I NEED TO GET WHAT I WANT!!!
 
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Get buff dude. Told you this too many times.
You'll get mad dick

Besides that. Not gonna be against you but it's so damn easy to say that!!!

The heart is what counts and I deserve A LOT BETTER! My guys should see me through the heart and they should be the way I prefer! They better like me the way I am!!! I know countless of obese guys who have hot, cute, FIT guys. And yes those obese guys are 3 times bigger than me. :(

Also an FYI, that 15 year old I fingered in the bathroom back in 2011 was very fit! Slim not skinny but wasn't completely what I was looking for. His belly is FLAT!

I just don't understand why I'm not getting what I truly prefer.

Also lately, I have a Hawaiian friend who is a lot fatter than me. He has a boyfriend who is pretty for but not all cute. Yet, that Hawaiian guy is making out with a Filipino guy I happen to like rather than spending time with his boyfriend. I tried to small talk to the Filipino guy I like but he seems to avoid me. Yet I see him and the Hawaiian guy making out as he sits on his lap.

Now do understand where I'm coming from please. That added to my frustration. I'm cool with all of them but why not me? Ugh, girls keep on saying I'm attractive and I thank them but over my dead body I'm never having sex with females!
 
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I see what your problem is, you're a hopeless romantic. And that isn't an insult.
It's an insecurity thing. You want love before sex because you want them to accept your imperfections before they can judge you. And that's hard to do. Even harder in a community of all men I'd imagine.


I'm telling you, get ripped. Yes, it's hard to do. I myself am currently on the Brolic Path myself and it is hard as hell, but when you start seeing those results you'll stop looking up at people and start looking at them from eye level. You'll recognize yourself as an equal, or even a superior, and then their rejection, their ridicule, their neglect, none of it will affect you because you wont blame yourself anymore. Because you'll love yourself more than you love them.


Do it Nasty. For yourself.









Or kill them. Whatever works for you.
 
^

You probably missed this when I posted these. I'll post it again. But thank you I will do my best.

"Also an FYI, that 15 year old I fingered in the bathroom back in 2011 was very fit! Slim not skinny but wasn't completely what I was looking for. His belly is FLAT!

I just don't understand why I'm not getting what I truly prefer.

Also lately, I have a Hawaiian friend who is a lot fatter than me. He has a boyfriend who is pretty for but not all cute. Yet, that Hawaiian guy is making out with a Filipino guy I happen to like rather than spending time with his boyfriend. I tried to small talk to the Filipino guy I like but he seems to avoid me. Yet I see him and the Hawaiian guy making out as he sits on his lap.

Now do understand where I'm coming from please. That added to my frustration. I'm cool with all of them but why not me? Ugh, girls keep on saying I'm attractive and I thank them but over my dead body I'm never having sex with females!"

Yes you're not the only one who told me to get fit and yes I've been working on that already. But again, there are HOT guys who like guys that are uglier and BIGGER than me and it's like a magical spell was performed! Therefore, I believe there is another way besides me needing to just work out. I can't find out what but based on what I see there is another way. I mean how can a sexy fit guy like an ugly fat guy? I don't know but it's happening. Not to me though. I know many people say I'm cute but they are not the ones I prefer or they are taken. :(
 
Well you're obviously also shallow, which is DEADLY (relationship wise) when combined with being self conscious.
Maybe your Hawaiian friend just is just funner to be around. Or maybe Filipino dude is a chubby chaser (thoughinthegaycommunityisnteveryoneamirightlol).


Or possibly, your personality sucks. You always talk about revenge, destroying your enemies and shit like that. Sounds like you have anger problems. Nobody likes hanging out with the quick tempered dude.


Stop being a diva and grab the bull by the horn. (seeipurposelyleftoutthesinhornbecauselmfao)
 
Well you're obviously also shallow, which is DEADLY (relationship wise) when combined with being self conscious.
Maybe your Hawaiian friend just is just funner to be around. Or maybe Filipino dude is a chubby chaser (thoughinthegaycommunityisnteveryoneamirightlol).


Or possibly, your personality sucks. You always talk about revenge, destroying your enemies and shit like that. Sounds like you have anger problems. Nobody likes hanging out with the quick tempered dude.


Stop being a diva and grab the bull by the horn. (seeipurposelyleftoutthesinhornbecauselmfao)

Pretty much all of this.

Some people are just funner to hang around and that might be the problem is that the Hawaiian dude just might be more fun to be around. That's not a jab at your or anything. Maybe try to improve yourself before you worry about trying to get some dick. You're putting the dick up on a pedestal. Plus like BBBLP said, the whole destroying your enemies stuff isn't what people look for in partners.

You just need to let go of what other people think and do your own thing. If it doesn't work out, kick the person out of your life and move on. It might suck at the moment, but it will be better for yourself in the long run.
 
Well you're obviously also shallow, which is DEADLY (relationship wise) when combined with being self conscious.
Maybe your Hawaiian friend just is just funner to be around. Or maybe Filipino dude is a chubby chaser (thoughinthegaycommunityisnteveryoneamirightlol).


Or possibly, your personality sucks. You always talk about revenge, destroying your enemies and shit like that. Sounds like you have anger problems. Nobody likes hanging out with the quick tempered dude.


Stop being a diva and grab the bull by the horn. (seeipurposelyleftoutthesinhornbecauselmfao)

Well, the thing is, all that anger and violence is in my mind. It really never showed outside of me and just ask my friends, they know me as that sweet guy. I was always and still am the nice guy outside even when it hurts that I don't get what I want in return. I'm also a nice guy inside, it's just that too much damage has been done on me. My angry side never showed as far as I know. At least I've never mentioned my thoughts to anyone.

In other words, as much as I want to be a diva, I'm actually not. At least that side of me has not shown yet.

And as what nemesiswontdie said, it hurts now and that's why I think like this (violently). It hurts so much. But I agree with him and will rely on what he said that it will get better later on.

But I agree with the following quote:

"If you can't handle my worst, you ain't getting my best."
- Nicki Minaj on her "Marilyn Monroe" song.
 
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Oh another pet peeve I have is when a top likes me. Why? Because I will not get turned on by sex if a guy wouldn't let me get inside his manhole. Today, I met an attractive guy who likes me but we are both tops. Well, I'm a versatile but in order for someone to get inside me, he's have to let me at least have my finger inside him even if it's half an inch inside. As long as I see and feel any part of my skin is inside between a guy's butt cheeks, I'll get turned on already. But if they say no to that then no sex!

At least we were playing footsies today under a table in my local library.
 
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Notorious B.I.G., Outkast, 2Pac, Dr. Dre, Mary J. Blige, Mariah Carey, Wu-Tang Clan and Sheryl Crow eligible for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Those artist mentioned have had NO ROLE WHATSOEVER in Rock 'n Roll.
Why the hell are they even bothering to call it the " Rock 'n Roll" Hall of fame anymore?
They should just call it the American Music Awards Hall of Fame.
Those above mentioned artists are the ABSOLUTE LAST people that I ever think of whenever someone says "Rock and Roll" to me.

I bet John Lennon, Jimi Hendrix, Jerry Garcia, Kurt Cobain, Dimebag Darrell, Jeff Hanneman, Cliff Burton and Jim Morrison are all laughing in their graves.
 
Notorious B.I.G., Outkast, 2Pac, Dr. Dre, Mary J. Blige, Mariah Carey, Wu-Tang Clan and Sheryl Crow eligible for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Those artist mentioned have had NO ROLE WHATSOEVER in Rock 'n Roll.
Why the hell are they even bothering to call it the " Rock 'n Roll" Hall of fame anymore?

Those above mentioned artists are the ABSOLUTE LAST people that I ever think of whenever someone says "Rock and Roll" to me.

I bet John Lennon, Jimi Hendrix, Jerry Garcia, Kurt Cobain, Dimebag Darrell, Jeff Hanneman, Cliff Burton and Jim Morrison are all laughing in their graves.

This, this, this, this, THIS! Is the undisputed truth!

This is the same establishment that ignored the likes of KISS, Rush, and Alice Cooper for at least 14 years in each case!

Alice was first eligible in 1994, and he gets in in 2011 (more specifically, the original Alice Cooper band with Vincent Furnier as the lead singer. Furnier would later use the Alice Cooper name as his stage name for his solo career, which he still uses to this day).

Rush and KISS (among other notable snubs, as 1974 is one of rock's greatest years for debut albums) were first eligible in 1999. Rush just got in last year, while KISS is just getting in this year.

And don't even get me started on Van Halen's infamous 4 year snub! There was absolutely no excuse for them waiting AT ALL! Ditto for Metallica, and they only waited one year!

And how does ANY music fan defend the likes of Deep Purple (by far the most glaring omission right now), Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, the Scorpions, Motorhead, Cheap Trick, Jim Marshall (Leo Fender is in...why not the namesake for Marshall Amplification?), Ozzy Osbourne (as a solo artist...double induction is possible since 3 Yardbirds and 3 Beatles are double inductees, and Eric Clapton is the only triple inductee), and Foreigner NOT being in, while the likes of Madonna, Donna Summer, Grandmaster Flash, ABBA, and Blondie are in?

If there is not immediate reform, they'll start putting in those girly-ass boy bands in whose target audience either outgrew them years ago or weren't even born when they were around!

According to this establishment, "Dancing Queen" is more Rock 'n' Roll than Smoke On The Water!

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I547 using Tapatalk
 
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I need some Cialis I believe. Either that or I need to mate with someone I'm truly interested in and not half-assed interested into. Enough said. Next time. I'm thankful for Grindr and its opportunities though. It's better than randomly cruising in bathrooms. And I ALWAYS and WILL ALWAYS use CONDOMS.

About this first experience last Friday...
(Please don't look at spoiler of you're under 18 years old.)

Spoiler:


Pros:
- Filipino
- Nice personality.
- Lives very close by.
- Around my age.
- I got to finger him at least.
- A person who is willing to bottom. (My condition is if I will bottom, that person needs to at least let me finger him.)

Cons:
- He's slightly bigger (chubbier) than me.
- His... "Johnny" is very small.
- It was my FIRST time for actual intercourse.
- When I topped him, mine wouldn't get hard enough. (Another reason why I shouldn't lower my standards when it comes to finding mates.)
- Wears a freaking sweater, basketball shorts, and broken flip flops. (CLOTHES are a big factor and usually what turns me on especially shiny pants such as waxed jeans or leather.) Yeah, he wasn't dressed enough. I was in my scrubs too since I was coming from work.
- I only felt like half of his pinky was inside me when I bottomed. He was already using his you know what.
- Embarrassing when I couldn't get mine up all the way right away.
- When I did got mine up, it shot out while I was in him. It was in the condom though.
- I NEED MORE PRACTICE!!!

 
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People who put items at a really cheap price then have their shipping priced at something completely outrageous grind the hell out of my gears.

I was just about to buy this vinyl off of Discogs for $10 then I saw he had the shipping set at $35 and it would only come from Florida. Go funk yourself.
 
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