Poetry Thread

Re: Poem I wrote.-Aldo Moreno

1. Art of any form should be done because you enjoy it because it's the very essence of expression. You don't write for an audience; you write (or paint or sing or sculpt) because you have something on your mind that you need to express. An audience is a perk, not the intent.

2. This is not true because a large portion of rap is comprised of and probably enhanced by improper grammar. Poetry has so many of focuses, grammar is hardly the point. Yeah, having a firm GRASP of it is important, but it's by no means a required tool.

And your rock/stone reference is about vocabulary, not grammar. Grammar is knowing the difference between "then" and "than" and when to use a particular form of a word.

1. Art is a bullshit term in my eyes. They way I see it you can call anything art. I can crap on the floor and call it art, but it's still just crap. It's an abstract. Andy Warhol proved that a long time ago with movies like "sleep", and his campbell's soup paintings. Which brings me back to my point. If you're going to post on public forum, you are showing it to the world. You owe it to your audience to improve. Hell I guess you could call the Charlies Angels game for the ps2 art by your definition.

2. Music and poetry are two different things. Understanding the spoken word is different. When you have only something to read it's up to your grammar to speak for you. That's unless you're going for the "I'm an uneducated person" vibe like in a lot of Mark Twain.

3. My rock/stone argument was not about vocabulary, but understanding sound or diction.
 
Re: Poem I wrote.-Aldo Moreno

Aldo, you cannot argue that your work is not genuine expression. Poem or otherwise, not bad. Kontinue writing.
 
Re: Poem I wrote.-Aldo Moreno

A favorite of mine. So much is said with so little.

The Red Wheelbarrow
William Carlos Williams


so much depends
upon

a red wheel
barrow

glazed with rain
water

beside the white
chickens.
 
Re: Poem I wrote.-Aldo Moreno

Everytime I get a text, I really hope its from you.
I look at it and realize my hope doesn't kome true.
I really miss talking to you everyday.
I remeber ever time I would see you we would always play.
Espically when you use to always walk away saying ,"oh okay!"
Damnit man I wish you never sent you away.
I still have all the pictures of us somewhere deep in my computer files.
It makes me wanna kry when I see those pictures and I see your smiles.
I would do anything to get you back, shit even run a billion miles.
I promised you forever and thats something I will never break.
I just want you to please forgive me for my mistake.
It will make me feel better for my sake.
I still got you green hair thingy on my jacket.
I had to get it from you but it took so much racket!
If you ever take me back, I will not **** up or do anything bad.
I don't want you to be another had.
And make you so sad
I still remeber you kalling you grapes.
It sticks to my head like duct tape.
I just want you to answer my text.
I am not like these other boys just loking for sex.
I don't like being another one your ex.
Then you going out with another dude like he is your next.
You always use to make my happy.
Without you right now I feel so freaking krappy.
Remember when I as sat on your lap?
And your arms will be around me so wrapped.
Or when we go to dances and I dance with you all night?
Or before we went out and you were sad over a boy and I use to tell you its gonna be alright?
I remeber our 1st kiss.
I want one right now kause I feel like its something I miss.
I always make fun of your head.
It use to be mine, something I kept!
I made you do the right thing and not do something shit over something someone said.
We kall her The Great Whore and when people knew I didn't let you fight they would tell me ,"***** that ain't your wed."
I miss having you in my arms.
I worry about you everyday and hope you aren't in any harm.
You are something more than a lucky charm.
I hope one day you will khange your mind.
We kan kheck up on things so we won't be behind.
I use to be always happy with you everywhere I went.
I have to talk to you, a message to you has been sent.
Looks like I got something new.
I look at it and realized me hope doesnt kome true.
Everytime I get a text, I really hope its from you.

EDIT:
D: This is a short as poem"/.

This is a nice poem Aldo
 
Re: Poem I wrote.-Aldo Moreno

1. Art is a ******** term in my eyes. They way I see it you can call anything art. I can crap on the floor and call it art, but it's still just art. Andy Warhol proved that a long time ago with movies like "sleep", and his campbell's soup paintings. Which brings me back to my point. If you're going to post on public forum, you are showing it to the world. You owe it to your audience to improve. Hell I guess you could call the Charlies Angels game for the ps2 art by your definition.

If someone writes something and doesn't show it to anyone, is it still art? You show it to other people for feedback, but that shouldn't be your intent doing so doesn't make it any less art. Some art is done specifically for an audience, but that's almost always when it becomes shit because the attention seeking is obvious and ****s up the intent.

2. Music and poetry are two different things. Understanding the spoken word is different. When you have only something to read it's up to your grammar to speak for you. That's unless you're going for the "I'm an uneducated person" vibe like in a lot of Mark Twain.

So rap doesn't involve spoken word? When you writing a poem, you can misuse words (like then and than) without ruining the context of your poem (example: I drove up to the store, Than I decided to shoot a whore (the grammar is incorrect, but the point is still obvious)).

3. My rock/stone argument was not about vocabulary, but understanding sound or diction.

How was that about sound? And even if it was, why bring that up when you're talking about grammar?
 
Re: Poem I wrote.-Aldo Moreno

If someone writes something and doesn't show it to anyone, is it still art? You show it to other people for feedback, but that shouldn't be your intent doing so doesn't make it any less art. Some art is done specifically for an audience, but that's almost always when it becomes shit because the attention seeking is obvious and ****s up the intent.

That's not entirely true. There is personal art, but art can also be used as a communication tool, hence intended to have an audience...this is especially true for those who make a living out of it. Absolut advertise their spirits through eye-catching images. Thomas Nast's cartoons criticized political issues of his time. Art direction in video games aim at grabbing the attention of the audience, whether it be highly stylized like Okami or realistic like Call of Duty.
 
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Re: Poem I wrote.-Aldo Moreno

Why call it immature and childish? It's HIS feelings, so what.

I meant the words of the poem when I said "immature".

It's one layer deep. There's no richness in it that I can fully appreciate. No visuality evoked.

I said that he meant well. Truly, he had the feelings and the emotion. But he didn't present it well in his poem.

Aldo, I'm not criticizing on what you feel or anything. But I'm just saying that you need some stronger words and phrases. Language usage that can really make this a tear-jerking poem.
 
Re: Poem I wrote.-Aldo Moreno

I meant the words of the poem when I said "immature".

It's one layer deep. There's no richness in it that I can fully appreciate. No visuality evoked.

I said that he meant well. Truly, he had the feelings and the emotion. But he didn't present it well in his poem.

Aldo, I'm not criticizing on what you feel or anything. But I'm just saying that you need some stronger words and phrases. Language usage that can really make this a tear-jerking poem.

I don't know many longs words like most you guys here kause I am not that smart as most of you.
 
It's one layer deep. There's no richness in it that I can fully appreciate. No visuality evoked.

I said that he meant well. Truly, he had the feelings and the emotion. But he didn't present it well in his poem.

Aldo, I'm not criticizing on what you feel or anything. But I'm just saying that you need some stronger words and phrases. Language usage that can really make this a tear-jerking poem.

Exactly my point. Poetry is a way to communicate in an audience. To make them feel things through new and interesting ways. What Also has written is closer to a letter to one person, or a journal entry, and far away from a poem. It also doesn't help when you spell things with a k, or use the term gay.

Aldo,

I suggest reading this: http://www.everypoet.org/pffa/showthread.php?t=9967
 
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Re: Poem I wrote.-Aldo Moreno

I don't know many longs words like most you guys here kause I am not that smart as most of you.

Don't worry, mate. Read some books, learn new words and phrases, and you're on your way. It's not wrong for you to try a poem, but you know, I'm just saying from my point of view. I mean no offense. :)
 
Re: Poem I wrote.-Aldo Moreno

Don't worry, mate. Read some books, learn new words and phrases, and you're on your way. It's not wrong for you to try a poem, but you know, I'm just saying from my point of view. I mean no offense. :)

Criticism isn't always about being negative and the only way he's gonna get better is by practicing. I agree that avoiding the k misspelling is a must, but use whatever terms you want, so long as it expresses your idea.
 
Re: Poem I wrote.-Aldo Moreno

Hey buddy please tell me you write poems often because if you don't then this is sad. Man up. Nancy boy.... Joking.
 
Re: Poem I wrote.-Aldo Moreno

i don't think anyone here is qualified to criticize anything really. If its your job then its still not your job to criticize this in particular. noones paying you to to judge him. i liked what aldo did. eks, i like what your saying.
still waiting on a little feedback for mine, its on page 2.
and i'm pretty sure theres no double posting
 
Re: Poem I wrote.-Aldo Moreno

i don't think anyone here is qualified to criticize anything really. If its your job then its still not your job to criticize this in particular. noones paying you to to judge him.

There are people who want other people to become better. That's not a bad thing, is it?
 
Re: Poem I wrote.-Aldo Moreno

i don't think anyone here is qualified to criticize anything really. If its your job then its still not your job to criticize this in particular. noones paying you to to judge him. i liked what aldo did. eks, i like what your saying.
still waiting on a little feedback for mine, its on page 2.
and i'm pretty sure theres no double posting

Well, he DID post it on a forum.. For feedback? No? Was he not asking to be criticized?
 
Re: Poem I wrote.-Aldo Moreno

Well, he DID post it on a forum.. For feedback? No? Was he not asking to be criticized?

Exactly.

If you want hugs and kisses, show it to your girlfriend, or your mom.

i don't think anyone here is qualified to criticize anything really. If its your job then its still not your job to criticize this in particular. noones paying you to to judge him. i liked what aldo did. eks, i like what your saying.

I've written and reviewed poetry for years. I've read countless books on the subject. Taken many hours of poetry workshops. I'm not qualified to criticize?


still waiting on a little feedback for mine, its on page 2.
and i'm pretty sure theres no double posting

There is one problem with this. You're not looking for constructive criticism. You're looking for a pat on the back.

If you honestly want to learn something about the craft, then start here: http://www.everypoet.org/pffa/showthread.php?t=9967

Read the blurbs in that thread. Read tons of poetry. Then consider writing it.
 
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Re: Poem I wrote.-Aldo Moreno

Read the blurbs in that thread. Read tons of poetry. Then consider writing it.

I loved the one about spelling, and not taking "lrn2spl" as an insult. Everyone should read that. Especially someone who aspires to be an author. It's not hard to go back and fix all of the red lines in your work. I know that this is a mortal kombat forum, and not everything is EXPECTED to be spelled correctly, but when it's something that you put your heart into you really should go back and fix errors

Aldo, as for not knowing any big words : It's not hard to start a lot of reading. Read books , man. Whenever you come by a word you don't know look it up in a dictionary and memorize it. Or pick a word from the dictionary daily and memorize it! Your vocabulary will grow in no time!
 
Re: Poem I wrote.-Aldo Moreno

im actually not looking for a f*cking pat on the back, i'm looking for feedback. its nice to hear peoples opinions but i think it crosses the line when someone tells another person whats wrong with their poem. theres nothing wrong with it. if spelling and grammer is your thing then write your own with everything proper but dont tell someone else that they have to or its not good.

and i'm the president so i must be qualified to run the country
 
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